One of the biggest barriers to asking for what you want is literally not knowing what you want for certain. It’s nearly impossible to confidently make a big ask if you aren’t sure what you want to ask for. The double mindedness gets in the way and confusion, second-guessing, and insecurity keep you from asking.
Double mindedness is like being caught in two or more realities where there are too many options. The mind overthinks and overworks simple ideas and concepts and makes what should have been an easy decision complex. Once the mind has gone into overdrive, it’s hard to pull back and make simple decisions.
If you tend to get double-minded and avoid making a decision, it can keep you from getting what you want. Here are some tricks for stopping double mindedness and getting clear on what you want so you can ask for it with confidence.
Recognize the habit of overthinking- Worry, ruminating, analyzing, and forecasting are all examples of overthinking. Overthinking triggers fear which can cause analysis paralysis, making it very hard to know exactly what you want. Recognize the habit if you tend to overthink and stop yourself early before you fall victim to the downward spiral.
Use the utilitarian approach- Sometimes there’s more than one option and both seem good. That can make choosing one over the other harder and leave you double-minded. Use a utilitarian approach to weigh the pros and cons of each choice and choose the one that has the most pros and leave it at that.
Get wise counsel- Double mindedness can keep you spinning. If you find that you can’t stop the spiral, it’s a great time to seek a trusted friend, colleague, or professional to help you sort things out and home in on a final choice.
Practice being decisive- Since double mindedness can cause confusion and fear, it may cause you to stop asking for what you want all together. That’s a habit that’s hard to break. Practice being decisive and asking for what you want to create a new and better habit and it will become normalized over time. Go with your gut or your first instinct and practice making decisions and asking for what you want without overthinking.
It’s hard to ask for what you want if you can’t come to a clear decision. Being double-minded prevents you from settling in on a clear path and confidently going after it. Reduce the double-minded thinking and your fear of making the wrong decision will make way for the joy of going after exactly what you want.