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  • Writer's pictureMarleen Greenleaf

Breaking the Fear and Asking for What You Want

Every day people ask for what they want. Whether it’s fries with your Big Mac or how you want your coffee, there are plenty of things you ask for regularly. Small things tend to be easy. I mean, it doesn’t really impact anyone if you ask for an extra shot of espresso in your latte, does it? Those sorts of asks or requests seem easy - because they don’t come with any fear.

Most people aren’t afraid the barista will deny them an extra shot. They aren’t afraid the person taking their order will decline their request for fries. They are confident in their ask because it is low-risk, which equals low-fear. What happens when the ask feels fearful?

Some asks push the boundaries of our comfort zone. They trigger fear and worry. Bigger asks that come with the risk of rejection tend to stop people short which means the answer is automatically… no! You surely won’t get what you never ask for. Breaking the fear and asking for what you want is the most important step to getting it. Here are some great steps you can take to break the fear and ask for what you want.

Step 1: Get clear on what you want- Being certain of what you want is important. The clearer you are about what you want, the more confident you are asking for it. Being double-minded can cause confusion about what you want and makes it harder to boldly ask.

Step 2: Visualize what you want- Seeing is believing and a lot of fear comes from things like imposter syndrome or a lack mindset. Visualizing what you want and imagining having it makes the idea firm in your mind and will reduce the fear of asking because you can already imagine having it.

Step 3: Get comfortable with rejection- Rejection feels very personal, but many times it isn’t. There are a lot of reasons why someone might say no that have nothing to do with you at all. Get comfortable with not being able to get exactly what you want. Often there is an alternative or a second option that you may not have considered.

Step 4: Do it afraid- Most often the worry of rejection is far greater than actually taking a chance and seeing what happens. You can ask for what you want, even if you feel fear. One way or the other, you’ll discover you can handle making an ask, even if the answer is no.

Being afraid to ask for what you want can feel intimidating and fearful. For the most part, no one is immune to some sort of fear making a big ask. The best solution for facing your fear and becoming confident asking for what you want is taking some simple steps in the right direction.

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